I am going to be a guest writer on cupidspulse.com, a celebrity relationship website with the mission to promote enduring and healthy relationships. I wanted to write about how Aunt Debbie and Uncle Donny have made it work for 33 years. Aunt Debbie was so gracious and provided me with some excellent feedback on how she and Donny keep their relationship strong. I thought I'd post it here.
Is It Even Possible?
Can Celebrities Actually Have Enduring, Healthy Relationships?
Cheating. Scandal. Divorce. Too often, celebrity relationships end as a result of one of these unfortunate scenarios. Just this summer, George and Elisabetta, J.Lo and Marc, Derek and Minka, and Cameron and Alex called it quits. Even Buzz Aldrin and his wife of 23 years couldn’t make it last.
As celebrity breakups continue to provide headlines for the supermarket tabloids, we are sometimes left wondering, “Does anyone stay together, anymore?”
Fortunately, the answer is “yes.” Celebrities who take “for better or worse” seriously may not make the headlines, but they are out there. Two of those people are my aunt and uncle, Donny and Debbie Osmond.
Donny and Debbie were married in 1978 and have survived the highs and lows of show business together for 33 years. I asked Debbie how she and Donny have made their relationship last when so many have failed. In characteristic humility, she credits God and her family for helping to keep their relationship strong. But she also has a few practical tips.
Keep the Pressure Low. Donny is a perfectionist and rues over a single note gone awry. While he was performing in Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat on Broadway, he was struggling with considerable anxiety. Debbie eased his anxiety by keeping the pressure low. Every afternoon as he left for work, she would say, “Go have an average night, tonight.” She made him feel valued as a person apart from his performance on stage; and as a result, their relationship and his vocals were both stellar.
Keep Your Personal Life Private. Sometimes celebrities (like everyone else) allow work to consume them. As Debbie said, “The business can really take over your life if you allow it to. I enjoy having my family away from Hollywood so Donny can come home to a bit of reality, like enjoying the kids’ school activities, hiking, and just being a father. It helps everyone feel like show business is not our life but just a job.”
Love the High-Tech Communication. When Donny is away, he and Debbie constantly talk via phone or webcam. As Debbie says, “I love Skype! We laugh because we have a virtual dad!” It helps Donny, Debbie, and the kids and grandkids to feel connected when they can see and hear each other every day.
Unfortunately, there is no magic recipe for making a relationship 100% breakup-proof. But there are many celebrities who continue to keep their relationships strong—we just may not hear about them too often. Regardless of whether we are actors or actuaries, keeping the pressure low, guarding our personal lives, and utilizing technology to communicate are great practical tips that we can all benefit from.
Amy Osmond Cook, Ph.D. is a faculty associate at Arizona State University, where she teaches Communication and English classes. She is the publisher of Sourced Media Books and co-author of Hope After Divorce and Full Bloom: Cultivating Success. Amy and her husband, Jeff, have five children and look forward to welcoming baby #6 in April 2012.
13 comments:
Love the interview Amy!
I couldn't agree more with everything Debbie said.
My husband Michel and I have been married for 31 years!
He's a perfectionist, I support that. He's a very panicky person, I stay calm. He's impatient, I show him it's okay to wait. I always want to see the good in people, he warns me about that sometimes. We support and compliment each other this way. We wouldn't have made it this long if we didn't, and we thank God for all these beautiful years every day.
XXX Marja
What a great interview Amy. I would like to add one more reason that Donny and Debbie have, that most famous couples don't have. An Eternal marriage. Although as you are well aware, it isn't always full proof it is an added protection and reason that most families who are of our faith stay married after so many years.
And I think that when you can attend the Temple regularly it helps, to strenghten us. We know that there is an Eternal perspective that makes you think about the big picture. And so thinks like; your spouse not taking out the garbage, or the dishes left in the sink are not as important.
Having just been with Donny at the event in Vegas and seeing Debbie and Josh there as well, my girlfriend and I wondered how Debbie has managed all these years with her famous, busy husband ... this was great insight. They are a darling couple!
Congratulations on 31 years, Marja! You sound like a perfect couple
Thank you, Carolyne! Great thoughts.
They are sure cute, aren't they! Glad you were able to see them in Vegas!
Nice written article, Amy. Thank you for sharing this talent with the rest of us.
I would add another that is never brought up, and it is commitment. Those couples that are committed to each other and their marriage; work it out, stay it out, tough it out and love it out!! I believe it is this commitment that keeps my husband and I together through the thick and thin.
Trust is another one. My husband was away at work during the weekday and came home on the weekends. We did this so we could buy a house. He stayed in our "old" city and the house was 1 1/2 hours away. He lived in a camper and I stayed home with the kids. If their wasn't trust . . . this simply would not have worked.
Cheri
Amy - what a perfect couple to write about! I was 11 when your Uncle and Aunt married. I remember it like it was yesterday. What I remember the most was the look in their eyes and the way they make constant eye contact with each other. It is like they are having a conversation with out words. At 11 that impression stuck with me. By the time i was 16 and dating; your Aunt had made a HUGE impression on me with her grace and committment to marriage. I knew then that I wanted to be 1/2 of a married couple in a real relationship that could withstand the ups and downs of life. My husband and I just celebrated 21 years of marriage and committment. It has not always been easy - but it is always worth it. To this day as much as I admire the talent of Donny (and all of your family!) and the generosity of their hearts in sharing that talent --- the "thing" that impresses me; uplifts me and gives me the highest respect is their committment to faith, marriage and life. I am proud to say that your Aunt Debbie has been a great role model for me.
When I was younger. I didn't care for Donny osmond. But a friend of mine insisted on me going to a show one day. I finally gave in and did. I was lucky enough to meet him after ward and it was from that meeting that I learned to admire the man. He was charming. However, over the years I don't admire him for his being a celebratie but because he found what most people can't find in a life time. The relationship I have seen between him, his wife and his family is what I admire him most for. He is a hard worker, but most important to him is his family above all else. If every woman could find a man who loved his family as much as he does, this world would be a better place. God Bless him and his family always. He is what a true example of a man should be and Debbie is what every woman wishes to be, both beautiful inside and out. Their children are great examples of what great parenting skills should be. A TRUE AMERICAN FAMILY and the way life should be.
Hi, Amy! :D
I love Debbie's side of marriage. Can you please interview her more in depth? I would really LOVE to know more about how Debbie keeps it together. I mean, I know there are more elements to marriage besides the ones you wrote about. :D Maybe a long Q & A???
They are a devoted couple and family,
refreshing to see these days. Donny and Debbie have a true marriage. The world can see that. I like how he doesn't compromise his beliefs. They have been married 33 years and Donny gets it. By that,that it takes effort.He is a wonderful example to people in the business and the world.
People in the business they are in have little if no regard for the meaning of marriage or commitment.
Most marriages in Hollywood are not marriages at all. Good for him. He is a bright light, true man and a gentleman.
Great as always! ! Great to see that some marriages do last with work from both parents. Thank you Debbie and Donny for showing us that it can last when you are in show business. Thank you fir the love your hold familty show for our Heaverly Father With his love we can be strong. Thank you Amy for all you do. I love you family for the great examples your hold family shows us in everything they do in show business and every day life. MERRY CHRISTMAS! ! ! ! !
Great as always! ! Great to see that some marriages do last with work from both parents. Thank you Debbie and Donny for showing us that it can last when you are in show business. Thank you fir the love your hold familty show for our Heaverly Father With his love we can be strong. Thank you Amy for all you do. I love you family for the great examples your hold family shows us in everything they do in show business and every day life. MERRY CHRISTMAS! ! ! ! !
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